What do you think of this UCAS application personal statement?

Understanding cinema and television as the unbounded global media that it is has always intrigued me. Even after watching some of my favourite films I immediately purchase them in script form in an effort to understand why these motion pictures can captivate an entire group of spectators in cinemas and homes across the world.

Gaining entry to the course would open up a whole new world of knowledge and information , however, the biggest aspect of the course for me would be the chance to work with and learn from experienced individuals who have worked in an industry in which I hope to one day participate. This Degree would undoubtedly give me the confidence and ability to succeed in this industry and also give me the tools needed to write creatively for film and television, either as an individual or as part of a team.

Although I have no previous involvement in this subject and have been absent from full time education for over five years, I do exhibit good learning abilities. This can be shown by my HND in Electronics and in the completion of various training courses and ongoing appraisals I currently undergo, which have ensured I have remained in a learning environment which has taken me to the peak of possibilities available in the field in which I work.

I have researched the subject I am applying for thoroughly through the prospectus and on-line information from the Faculty of Arts .Having worked in the west end of Glasgow, I am familiar with the area, the University and the bohemian atmosphere that it creates and have a desire to be involved in this lively area that pulses with a multicultural heartbeat.

In my current profession, I work alone as part of a specialist team covering the latest products and also covering most of the central belt of Scotland. Working somewhat autonomously requires great self motivation and reliability which is coterminous with the trust in the individual shown by the management.

At school I was involved in various extra curricular activities, but the one I am most proud of was the assisted reading program that endeavoured to help younger students with a learning difficulty by improving their reading on a one to one basis. Over the past few years however, the window for these types of activities has been closed mainly due to the fact that my father suffered a near fatal heart attack. Helping him through the first difficult year of recuperation and rehabilitation was the catalyst needed to prompt me to take advantage of company policy and apply for a years career break in which to travel and reassess some personal goals and ambitions.

I am fairly active in any free time that I do have and enjoy various sports including playing football twice a week and cycling three times a week. When it gets to winter I enjoy snowboarding with friends over the weekend. Having done some research I am aware that the university has various clubs and associations and, if I am successful in gaining entry to the course, I will be actively looking to join a winter sports club. I love travelling which gives time to pursue my other hobby of photography. I have visited France a few times which has given me the opportunity to brush up on the little French I know, and once drove across the whole country. I have also visited Holland, Belgium, Greece, the Czech Republic and most recently on my career break spent a few months in Australia.What do you think of this UCAS application personal statement?
I edited the first few paragraphs. See what you think...



Cinema and television have always intrigued me. After watching some of my favourite films I immediately purchase thier scripts so that I can better understand how these motion pictures captivate an large audiences in cinemas and homes across the world.

Gaining entry to the NAME COURSE HERE would open up a whole new world of knowledge and information to me. However, I am most interested in having the chance to work with and learn from experienced individuals who have worked in the industry in which I hope to one day participate. This Degree would undoubtedly give me the confidence and ability to succeed in this industry and also give me the tools needed to write creatively for film and television, either as an individual or as part of a team.

Although I have no previous involvement in this subject and have been absent from full time education for over five years, I do exhibit good learning abilities. This is evidenced by my HND in Electronics. Additionally, I have completed various training courses and undergone a variety of appraisals. Thus, I have remained in a learning environment, which has taken me to the peak of possibilities available in the field in which I work.

I have researched the subject I am applying for thoroughly through the prospectus and on-line information from the Faculty of Arts. Having worked in the west end of Glasgow, I am familiar with the area, the University and the bohemian atmosphere that it creates and have a desire to be involved in this lively area that pulses with a multicultural heartbeat.

In my current profession, I work alone as part of a specialist team covering the latest products and also covering most of the central belt of Scotland. Working autonomously requires great self motivation and reliability which is coterminous with the trust in the individual shown by the management.

At school I was involved in various extra curricular activities, but the one I am most proud of was the assisted reading program that endeavoured to help younger students with a learning difficulty by improving their reading on a one to one basis. Over the past few years ,however, the window for these types of activities has been closed mainly due to the fact that my father suffered a near fatal heart attack. Helping him through the first difficult year of recuperation and rehabilitation was the catalyst needed to prompt me to take advantage of company policy and apply for a years career break in which to travel and reassess some personal goals and ambitions.

I am fairly active in any free time that I do have and enjoy various sports including playing football twice a week and cycling three times a week. When it gets to winter I enjoy snowboarding with friends over the weekend. Having done some research I am aware that the university has various clubs and associations and, if I am successful in gaining entry to the course, I will be actively looking to join a winter sports club. I love travelling which gives time to pursue my other hobby of photography. I have visited France a few times which has given me the opportunity to brush up on the little French I know, and once drove across the whole country. I have also visited Holland, Belgium, Greece, the Czech Republic and most recently on my career break spent a few months in Australia.
i personally think it's great, but far too long. a personal statement should last no longer than one page and on one side of A4. plus, use font size 12 and either arial or times new roman as your font style. i would write it like this; btw, corrections are in capitals:



Understanding cinema and television as the unbounded global that it is known as, IS SOMETHING that has always intrigued me. In watching some of my favourite films i had immediately purchased them in script form in an effort to understand why these motion pictures can capitvate AND ATTRACT large audiences, at the cinema AND AT HOME. By UNDERTAKING this course, it would open up a whole new world of knowledge and information; however, WHAT I AM MOSTLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WHILST being on the course, is the OPPORTUNITY in working and learning from experienced individuals, who are or who have previously worked in the industry.

* the bit where you say you've been absent from full time education, remove- having this in the statement gives a negative impression on the admissions people and could result in your application being rejected. therefore, it's best to tell them about the fact you've been out of education during the interview and explain your circumstances to them in person.in truth, you want to emphasise your strengths and your positive attributes and not focus on what your weak points are.

i ALSO exhibit good INTERPERSONAL, COMMUNICATION as well as GOOD READING, WRITING AND GRAMMAR SKILLS ON MY PART.... in my current profession etc.... edit the bit where you talk about your father's heart attack- this is irrelevant and not neccessary.



as for hobbies, only state those which are relevant to your degree course. therefore, because you are applying for a media-related course, you want to say things such as watching films for example. get rid of the bit where you talk about joining a club, as well as you saying you have visited france, holland etc. as it is not neccessary.



if you need any further help, talk to your careers advisor or personal tutor and they should be able to assist you. i wish you the best of luck with your application and in your future studiesWhat do you think of this UCAS application personal statement?
I think you will be snapped up
I have to agree with honcho - it's too long an rambling, without much of an specific 'aim' in it's unedited form. The main comment I would have is that although the personal statement is meant to be about you, the way you write it's all about you you you - as in the way somebody might talk only about themselves. I'd use some of your writing to maybe write about 'what you would give back'.



From experience I'd say the personal statement can 'win it' or 'lose it' for you. I applied to the same universities two years running, for the same courses, with the same qualifications - apart from and extra HND and the first year received 1 or 2 offers. The following year I received an offer from every university. This was in the days of UCCA / PCAS, so that would be something like 12 (?) offers, with either no conditions or minimal conditions. The only difference really was what was written in the personal statement!



Good luckWhat do you think of this UCAS application personal statement?
Well written, but FAR too long and a little bit pretentious, particularly the introduction.

Make it more concise and lose the bit about going out out purchase scripts and some of the buzzowords like 'catalyst' and I think you'll have yourself a pretty good PS.

Oh and 'pulses with a multicultural heartbeat' is a sickly comment that makes you sound like you're trying to sound cool. Drop it, please. Along with a few other jargonistic phrases and verbs, which belong in a middle-of-the-road management consultancy board meeting.

p.s. 'Media' is a plural and as such you can't say 'the media that it is', you need to say 'the media that they are'. The singular of media is medium.
The degree won't help you to get a job in film or TV (I've talked to people in BBC, more of them come from Biology than from film and TV degrees). And it won't help you write a good screenplay (not the schools you can apply to through UCAS anyway, maybe London Film School, or Metropolitan Film School).



Besides that, it's very long, and, not to be insensitive, I don't think they really care about your father's heart attack or your trips around the world



Your photography hobby is good, your desire to study there is good. Perhaps you could speak about the dramatic quality of photography, and how it relates to film. It's more useful than your HND in electronics. (mention your HND only if you want to design your own camera or something)



Your vocabulary is off. (what the Heffalump is unbounded? How are cinema and television one media?)



Anyway, best of luck.